i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You left your phone here
Wait...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
