he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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