New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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