this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
