This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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