proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
