She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
