My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So much rum. So many feels.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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