you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
