Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
