I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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