Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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