I want you more than these girls want KFC
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
