Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
