I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
