i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
