when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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