did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she looked like the before picture.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
