You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
