meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
