We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
