she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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