it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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