I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
