I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
