I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
