i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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