You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
