if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
