He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
