I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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