mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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