I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
