please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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