I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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