please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
