I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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