There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
