She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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