That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
