How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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