I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
