dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
