My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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