i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
ttyl tear gas
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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