He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
