Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
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