If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just cut my nipple shaving
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
