i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
