If i come over, it means nothing
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
